Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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