shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
