Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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