not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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