YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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