Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
