I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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