Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
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