i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
