you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
