i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
