I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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