i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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