So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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