it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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