fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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