if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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