he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
