Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
