She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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