What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
