You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
