I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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