12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
