There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You are a genius and a whore.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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