Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
