my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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