Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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