He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
