Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
