the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
