"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
