Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
