I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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