morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have already put on my inside pants.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
as a side note pls kill me
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