my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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