he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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