i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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