Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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