Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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