So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
