names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
