I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
