Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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