Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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