honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
