im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
