I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i've created a new STD.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
