Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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