No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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