my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
