Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
