he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
